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May 31, 2020

My heart is aching, my spirit is exhausted, my emotions are complex, and my mind is racing. With that being said, the weight of being black right now, is the heaviest it’s ever been for me. I have so much to say but my hands are full and honestly, I do not have the bandwidth to cover all that my circumstances are requiring of me and the state of the world…so I will say a few things and return once I’ve sorted through all I’m trying to process…

1. Don’t tell me you love me if you don’t love my blackness. We are one and the same and cannot be separated. What about my blackness makes you uncomfortable?

2. A choice to ignore what is going on is a choice for ignorance and it is your privilege that gives you the ability to do so. How will you use your privilege to support those who have none?

3. Do not let the fear of possible offense keep you from intentionally showing up for those you love. Your stance of not speaking because you “don’t know what to say” is another micro attempt at making this about you. If you don’t know what to say, figure it out. Educate yourself so that you can have something to say. Your voice is necessary but not required. Contrary to what culture tells us nowadays, its is possible for you to be a part of something and be affected by something that you are not the center of. What about this not being about you makes you uneasy?

4. How you move during this time lets those in your life know the state of your heart. You don’t have to post on instagram to be supportive. If you post on instagram en lieu of reaching out to the black people in your life that you say you love, your stance is not solidarity, it is self preservation. Speaking up is more than an instagram post, it is the intentional choice turned into action to arm yourself with the necessary tools to be a part of what’s going on. It looks like you holding yourself and those around you accountable for the racism that has been so insidious throughout your lineage and this country that recognizing it may ask you to challenge everything you’ve been taught to believe. Are you willing to give up your “normal comfort” in an effort to bring awareness to the racial injustice happening right now?

To my non black community, part of your action right now, is taking a risk and standing in your discomfort to share the weight of American blackness with your black friends. Stop saying you dont know what to say and find something to say. Also, stop saying “this too shall pass” it is dismissive and empty. We can only repost and re-quote for so long, At some point it will be time for you to dig deep within yourself to find your own words. It doesn’t have to be long and profound but as someone I love, I want to hear from YOU. I love you and I want to know your thoughts. I want to hear your thoughts because I care to listen to those I love and believe this is a collective issue. Until I know where you stand, I don’t know how to find common ground. And until we find common ground we aren’t truly walking together. Sharing your thoughts is supportive as long as your thoughts dont override my experience. Once your thoughts and feelings outweigh my experience it is an act of violence and suppression. Listen to the outcries of humanity and then speak honestly.

6.To my beautiful black community, I know you’re enraged. I am too. Im pissed, heavy, and so, so, sad. My spirit is in a deep state of mourning and I feel like I have nothing to give and don’t feel like finding anything to give. Knowing how I feel, I have made the choice to be informed by my emotions but not led by them. One of our many challenges now is discernment. Sifting through what we are being bulldozed by and remembering what we’re fighting for. Freedom isn’t something given by man, so man cannot truly take it away. Your melanin is not a burden but it is beautiful and crafted in the image of God. You have the right to breathe. You have to right to speak. You have the right to gather. And you have the right to fight. Fight hard and smart. Fight on every plane, not just the political. Keep going and surround yourself with allies who know how to encourage you AND stand in for you when you need to take a moment to rest and recharge. We’ve come a long way but we still have so much farther to go.

Im no longer standing, im running. At full speed toward change and justice. My shoes are strength and truth and my sweat, the blood and tears of my ancestors. Im running straight to the heart of the matter with the understanding that the track im on, it’s already worn and much experienced. I look down and see the footsteps of those who came before me and look up and see the cross. I would like for you to run with me. Some of you are looking for a vehicle, misunderstanding that the only necessary vehicles we are all born equipped with. There are 3… Our mouths to speak about it, our hands to make it, and our feet to walk in it. The question to ask yourself is, what’s in your vehicle? What are you transporting and where are you taking it? Your answer is vital to the progress of this country and the everyday experience of those you say you love. Regardless of your answer, regardless of your stance, one thing remains…I love you. ♥️🙏🏾

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